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The following is from the beginning of a short story by the same title. Read “Author Bio” to learn more. **** I was recently doing a search in Google to find a website that would confirm my suspicions about a Tele-huckster—a pet peeve of mine to which I am hopelessly addicted. One thing led to another and, yada yada yada, before I knew it, my flat screen monitor began flashing a string of sexually explicit pictures in brilliant pulsating color. It was an X-rated pop-up extravaganza; one I was unable to keep up with. I clicked frantically trying to close one close-up invasion after another. The bombardment continued on until it ran its course, eventually reaching some kind of worldwide web adult abyss that even the internet could not crawl below. As I cleaned up the dirty debris I so innocently spilled—well maybe not that innocently—I was struck by my good fortune. Thankfully, the internet came along decades after my early teen years. Had this stuff been around in the Sixties, I might still be squirreled away in my attic room to this day, trimming the hair on my palms while mumbling incoherently to my seeing-eye dog. On the other hand, learning the whereabouts, general appearance and overall purpose of female parts would have been a heck of a lot easier, not to mention more timely. Instead, my sex education was really the collective result of a hit or miss operation. At the time it was torture, but I don’t know, there was something funny about it too. And it all started at my local summer recreation center, Carteret Park ... **** “What did Roy Rogers say to Dale Evans in the bedroom when the lights went out?” Mud Finnegan asked a rapt group of adolescent boys sitting around a long wooden table at our local summer hangout, Carteret Park. He was about twelve years old, a year older than I and several years older than most of the kids sitting on the benches—that was age-wise but he seemed a generation older than all us in every other way. Mud looked around, working the table like a seasoned Catskill comedian. No one dared answered his question because it really wasn’t a question at all. It was an obvious lead-in to the punch line of another classic dirty joke; besides, no one had a clue as to the possible answer—no one that is except Moon Muller. “I know!” Moon yelped in a lame attempt to impress the guys, as if he was really in the know. “Shut up! You don’t know crap!” Fitzy snapped back, warning that one of his patented headlocks might be coming Moon’s way if he didn’t keep his big trap shut. “Do too!” Moon fired back in a surprising show of bravado. “Are you two f’in jerk-offs through?” Mud, as only Mud could do, used the “F” word with a certain artistic flair. He painted masterpieces with four letter words no differently than Monet did with colors from a pallet. Having regained the attention of his fickle audience, he continued to close the deal. “Do you f'in dick heads wanna hear the f’in joke or doncha?” His eyes got wide and kind of crazy looking, one eyebrow climbing higher than the other. Of course, we wanted to hear. Everyone settled down. He waited a moment, knowing timing was everything; then, delivered the goods. “I’ll turn on my flashlight if you turn on your headlights.” A flash of universal vacant thought swept across the sea of open jawed faces, like the eerie stillness before a tornado strikes, as our feeble brains scrambled to “get it”. Then, as if prompted by an audience monitor, an explosion of rip-roaring, doubled-over laughter swept around the table. Ah … Mud sure could bring it home. Making it all the more incredulous was that most of us struggled to understand the punch-line. But we knew enough to laugh because that always bought us time to figure it out. Mud proudly acknowledged his success with a wide grin, while he waited for us to wipe the tears from our eyes, boogers from our noses and drool from our chins. He was on top of his game. Being the veteran performer he was, he launched into an encore with another doozey about some lost traveler asking some guy who is with a woman how far is “The Old Log Inn”; you can guess the answer. Another eruption of roaring, clueless laughter followed. Another tidbit of carnal information revealed. That was my introductory class to sex education in the Sixties. We weren’t taught concepts like “private parts”, and never heard of or cared much for formal words like “penis” or “breast” or “vagina”. Our language was narrow and practical; “logs” or “rods” and “headlights” or “cams” were all we knew or needed know to communicate with each other. Regarding “vagina”, only a few guys with older sisters had even the slightest notion of what that might be; most of us were under the delusion that girls had simply broken their logs off at birth; possibly by accident or through carelessness. So all we had were Mud’s dirty jokes, and embellished stories of older sisters spied on or caught in some state of undress. It was all a forewarning of things to come. I mean we understood the direct symbolism of certain words to body parts and innately found the sophomoric humor in using such imagery in the context of a joke. But underneath it all we started to sense that there was more to this than met the eye, something sinister. As we’d soon come to discover, there sure was! enlargment forum free matter penile size penis enargement tool does penis enlargement work penis enlarement photo herbal penis enhancement penis enlagement forum pennis enlargement device free exercise tip for penile enlargement cheapest penile enlargement pills
Recently I wrote an article entitled, "Future Internet: Collaboration without loss of individuality: Example 1: Ebay". Since then it has come to my attention that like all other areas of life the comedians and jokers have invaded and put their mark on this incredible new phenomenon. I am by no means against humour as I am a firm believer in the idea that laughter is the greatest medicine of all. If humanity just learned to laugh at ourselves a little bit more instead of taking everything in life so seriously, I think we could achieve both individual and social harmony much more quickly. There are several websites on the Internet already dedicated to weird things that have been offered and even bought on www.ebay.com. A few that I've seen are found at: http://www.whowouldbuythat.com/, http://www.weird-websites.com/WeirdEbay.htm, and www.whattheheck.com/ebay/. Certain eccentric as well as just plainly silly people have tried to sell anything from their own virginity (had to be a hoax) to the now infamous 'ghost in a jar'. The 'ghost in a jar' sale was so popular that a whole slew of copycats have followed suit ranging from 'ghost droppings' to a 'ghost in a bra'. The 'What the heck' site seems to have the most comprehensive list with items being categorised into: Fan favourites, People, Body parts and fluids, Animal Kingdom, Metaphysical Stuff, Face it you're addicted to Ebay, Technology and accessories, Health and Beauty, Dirt, Water etc, Just plain evil, Gross, Weird inventions, and Stuff we've yet to categorise. One of my favourites is for the sale of Snow. Here's what the seller had to say about the product: "So far, we've got over a foot, and it's still coming down. We really don't need more than a few inches here, so we're making the rest available to the highest bidder. Due to the perishable nature of snow, and because not even 4WD vehicles are having much luck on our local roads, the winning bidder must make arrangements for pickup. This snow doesn't pack very well, so you'll have to make your own packing arrangements as well. Note that I'm only offering the excess snow from our own property. If you need it, I may be able to arrange for you to get more. I'll accept cash or money order for payment. If you clear a path from Interstate 40 to my house, I'll discount your winning bid, charging only an amount equivalent to the Ebay fee for the closing bid. Take our snow, please..." I also laughed when I saw that drug-free urine, raccoon's penis bones, the Internet (someone bid 1 billion dollars-it's real worth would be priceless), nine used toothbrushes, dirt from the US civil War, a UFO Finder, a Russian sub (a real one!) and Absolutely Nothing were on sale. Here's what the seller said about the latter: "ABSOLUTELY NOTHING for sale, zero, zilch, nada. NO RESERVE on this vastly under appreciated commodity. Why suffer the disappointment of shelling out big bucks on junk you don't want, can't afford, and don't need, when, for a small fee, you can completely bypass the disappointment! You expect nothing, and that's precisely what you will get. I'm hoping I can build up a regular clientele for absolutely nothing, because finding nothing is much easier to acquire than most of the other items I sell. And shipping costs are minimal, because, well, nothing weighs nothing. And it's very cheap for me to buy, as it costs me nothing. So forget about those Beamers, those houses in the suburbs, those electronic gadgets, those fashionable clothes that are outdated before you leave the store; THEY won't bring you happiness, NOTHING will! The ancient Chinese Sage advised us that less is more. Therefore, NOTHING is most. Here is your chance to FINALLY get exactly what you've always deserved! Bid with confidence, because I guarantee NOTHING! Aren't you weary of everyone whining that they can't find NOTHING to buy? Well, here it is, ladies and gentlemen, step right up and mail me your dollars, I have an unlimited supply of what you really need most in your life, but were never quite sure how to acquire it. You could pay hundreds, thousands, even tens of thousands of dollars for the same thing from any one of a hundred political organizations, religious groups, or federally mandated taxing organizations, and not get one single thing that I'm not providing for a nominal fee of a $1.00 bid. And don't despair if you get sniped out at the last minute this week, I'll have a fresh supply available next week as well. Item is guaranteed to be exactly as described. California residents please add 8.25% sales tax." So, with every great step forward for humanity we have our tricksters helping us along with their great powers of humour. With Ebay a new way of collaborative consumerism has entered the so-called 'first world' psyche. The question is: Where do we draw the line between supply and demand for what we need to have a sustainable existence, and buying for the sake of addiction to shopping? I recently heard of a new term coined Affluenza. It is the disease of always wanting more money and material objects even if it means having a lesser quality of life. Hey, someone has even sold the 'Meaning of life' on Ebay for a mere $3.26! This article has an accompanying image that can be viewed at http://www.m6.net/articles/images/comic.gif vigrx for men enlargement penis pill vimax penile enlargment device penis enhancement traction device prosolutionpill penis enlargement supplement cheap penis enargement penile enlargement device cheapest penile enlargement pills
Erectile Dysfunction refers to an inability to achieve or maintain an erection hard enough for sexual intercourse. It falls under the blanket term impotence, which also covers other sexual problems such as lack of arousal and the inability to orgasm. Erectile dysfunction is not simply an occasional inability to perform sexually that occurs to every man; if you have erectile dysfunction, you will be unable to achieve or maintain an erection over 50% of the time. Although erectile dysfunction often occurs with age, it is not a normal part of aging and can be treated. For men with diabetes, erectile dysfunction occurs an average of 10-15 years earlier than in other men. Why does diabetes often lead to erectile dysfunction? Diabetes is linked with many nervous system disorders, and erectile dysfunction can be caused by nerve damage. Nervous system damage can cause erectile dysfunction because the nervous system tells your body when you are aroused. If you are emotionally aroused but your nervous system cannot send the message to your penis, then you will not get an erection. Diabetes can also cause blood vessel disorder. Vascular damage (damage to the blood vessels) alters the blood flow in the body. As an erection is caused when corpora cavernosa in the penis are filled with blood, vascular damage can affect erections. Erections are caused by the interplay of the nervous system and the vascular system, along with other factors. People with diabetes are more apt to be depressed. Depression might be caused by poor blood sugar control and hormonal imbalance. Psychological factors can play a large role in erectile dysfunction. How can you prevent erectile dysfunction if you have diabetes? Control your blood sugar levels. This will help you prevent possible nerve damage or damage to your vascular system. These are two of the complications from diabetes that can lead to erectile dysfunction. Talk to you doctor or health team. They will be particularly helpful for you if you are trying to maintain even blood sugar. Quit smoking. Smoking damages your blood vessels by making them contract. Don’t drink excessively. Excessive alcohol consumption can also damage your blood vessels. Exercise. Having a steady exercise regimen will help keep your nervous system and vascular system healthy. Eat well. Eating a well-balanced diet rich in fruits and vegetables has been proven to prevent complications in diabetes, and will help you control your blood sugar levels. Calm yourself. If you are struggling with anxiety, depression, or other psychological issue that is inhibiting your sexual performance, see a professional. Often just the fear of erectile dysfunction is enough to hamper performance. Treatments If you are suffering from erectile dysfunction, consider seeing a urologist. A urologist specializes in sexual health and will be able to help you decide on the best treatment program. You might be prescribed medication, such as Viagra, that will help you achieve an erection. You might also consider using a vacuum pump to help blood enter the penis. To maintain the erection you place a ring at the base of the penis. You might consider having an implant or penile injections. Before taking any medical action, try using the tips above to manage your erectile dysfunction. Diabetes does not necessarily have to lead to complications, which includes erectile dysfunction. You can lead a normal sexual life, even as you grow older. Knowing this information might help you find sexual energy you didn’t know you had!